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"This is unfair — it can't stay like this!" Don't ask me what "this" was. I don't remember. But I do remember the feeling that I had to act, that I needed to right a flagrant injustice.
It was 2006. I was a Marketing Manager in the UK. I was convinced it was my responsibility to speak up, to say things exactly as I saw them. So I proceeded to write an email detailing my personal disappointment at this tremendous injustice — of course I have absolutely no memory of what that “injustice” was today.
I sent this urgent missive to Christine Ozden, then Managing Director of the Higher and Professional Education division at Pearson EMEA. I felt a burning need for my voice to be heard by the person running our division.
Christine asked me to come to her office to discuss the matter. She had printed the email. Very politely, she asked me to read it again before we talked.
As I read my own words, my mouth went dry, a few drops of sweat began to soak through my shirt. A message clearly written in a state of emotional turmoil — full of indignation, empty of reflection. "What a disaster," I thought to myself. When I looked up, I saw Christine watching me closely, curious about my reaction. "I screwed up," I murmured, embarrassed. She simply looked at me, choosing her words carefully.
"Santi, you have a lot of qualities, and I believe you can go far professionally. But this is the email of someone who acts before thinking. That's dangerous. It creates instability — not just for you, but for the people around you, who never know what to expect when you are in turmoil."
"We are all slaves to our words, but masters of our silences."
"Being right does not justify disrespecting the process or the people who think differently. Self-control, reflection, thinking before acting to decide which course of action will get you to your goal most effectively — that is not just smart. It is what separates future leaders. It's not about staying quiet. It's about choosing how to speak."
Christine was absolutely right. I understood a large part of it that day. The rest took me another five years to grasp — but that story is for another time.
That day I made myself a promise: I would work on self-control and that misguided intensity. I would give myself 24 hours before reacting whenever I was too worked up to think clearly. I would still give my opinion, absolutely — but always with a clear objective. And if there is no objective, silence is a powerful ally.
I decided, in short, to stop being a slave to my reactions and to become a master of my silences.
Twenty years later, in my personal life, I'm still working on it. I'm fairly sure my daughters would appreciate it if that work had produced better results by now.
In my professional life, however, Christine's words remain very much with me. I carry them close.
I have always been passionate, driven, impatient. You might be shy, aggressive, reflective, impulsive. In some ways you'll be like me, in others the complete opposite, and every variation in between. It doesn't matter.
Whatever you are, you have a decision to make.
"This is who I am — take it or leave it" is a valid option. If you're comfortable with that, go for it.
But there is another option. A harder one. And a more rewarding one — with people like Christine along the way to push you forward. You can choose to break free from the slavery of who you are, to pursue the person you want to become.
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Are you a master of your silences, or a slave to your words?
I'm listening,
Santi
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